The Two Misfits Who Got Kicked Out Of Rehab; Comedy Ensues

This morning around 6:30 a.m., I got pinged to pick up a guy at a Boca Raton drug store. It was early and the store had not yet opened. I arrived a couple minutes later to find two guys in their 20s with suitcases. Now, let me say from the onset, these two characters were genuine and hard not to like, so the following is written with affection, especially for their particular situation.

When they see my car, they act as if they are blown away that I got there so quickly and had three large bags of luggage. I thought they were going to the airport though upon checking the app, I saw they were going to a WalMart quite a distance away. Odd start.

The guy who requested the ride was shirtless, had cargo shorts hanging below his but and just looked a mess, similar to Keanu Reeves in "Bill & Ted".  The other guy was more of a Spicoli figure from Fast Times at Ridgemont High. They get in; "Keanu" is Facetiming with a lady about my age as they discuss how they ended up as they were. The other guy says he's dying of thirst, so I give them my last bottle of water and they were highly appreciative. "Oh my God man, you are amazing." "Hey, one sec, I think I need to puke." We hadn't even left the parking lot. Keanu gets out, has a massive puke in the parking lot, literally jumps back in the car all excited saying, "I'm great now!" Continues talking to the girl on Facetime.

Apparently, they were kicked out of the rehab facility around midnight last night for drinking. These two do not do any drugs, just cave in when it comes to the alcohol -- in excess. In talking with the girl on Facetime, they are talking about other rehabbers, some doing really well, others not so much.

Keanu: "Sir, I think I'm going to puke again!" I pull over quickly. He pukes just as violently as before but this time on a sidewalk on Federal Highway with a guy walking in the path. As we pull away, I notice in my rear view mirror, the walking guy go around the puke without missing a beat.

The other guy gets on the phone trying to get in another rehab facility as Keanu tells the girl on Facetime about the clean bill of health he got from the place he was discharged from. He plans to show his clean numbers to his dad even though it doesn't show how he blew a 1.5 last night causing his discharge.

Both guys are super nice and courteous the entire time, even though they are using all sorts of foul language about life in general.

Keanu says, "I can't wait to get to WalMart. I am going to just sit in one of the isles on my suitcase and enjoy the air conditioning." I'm thinking to myself, "If he lasts more than ten minutes in the WalMart I will be surprised."

Keanu asks me, "What drugs do you do?"
Me: "I don't do any drugs. Haven't since I was 19."
Keanu: "Woah! That shit ain't possible! How much do you drink?"
Me: "Actually, I rarely drink these days."
Keanu: "No way, man! You got me trippin'."

The entire drive, which lasted about 20 minutes, the guys are saying how wasted they are, how exhausted they are, wondering how they lost the $3,000 they had yesterday (they can't find the cash).

They are so confused and wasted, it was hilarious to watch.

We arrive at WalMart, I help get out their luggage out of the trunk as they try and get themselves together. People are staring, which is saying a lot since this is WalMart after all. I watch in my rear view mirror as they walking into WalMart, rolling their luggage behind them.

I do not laugh out loud often after a ride, but this one caused me to do so for at least a few minutes as I contemplate what WalMart shoppers would be witnessing. Would WalMart even let them in?

I head to a car wash I know that is down the street to get a quick car wash. There, I run into a guy washing in Porsche 928, which is in pristine condition. We converse just a couple minutes and I start wondering how the two guys did at the Walmart so I head up to see if the police have arrived yet 😁

I get there, no police, but they are on the side of the building in the shade talking. I wish them well and hope they are able to get the help they need.

Location: Boca Raton, FL, USA

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